‘I have your solution,’ Reaper tells NHS
Speaking to a room of packed journalists and morticians, the Grim Reaper outlined his strategic plan to reduce waiting lists with a scythe-based clog-popping initiative. Faced with unprecedented A&E queues and dwindling resources, Health officials welcomed this offer from the private sector and advised all adults over 30 not to make ‘any long-term plans’.
The subsequent crack down, on ‘mortal coil dependency’ across the UK, will free NHS staff for valuable photo opportunities during the general election. One Tory minister commented: ‘We just need a return to Victorian principles, when commoners had the good grace to feed the worms rather than overstay their welcome’.
Emergency calls will now be transferred to an overseas call centre, staffed by cloaked skeletal figures playing chess. A spokesman for Death said: ‘There’s a fine line between ill and dead. Financially we’d like people to err on the side of the later. At some point we all have to pay the Reaper, particularly if we can’t fund the NHS’.