The current President has confirmed he will be seeking a second term from the after-life. Aged 137, Mr. Biden is the oldest incumbent of The White House, except for a pair of stockings left by Dolley Madison. The chances of him being alive next election are slim to none, so Joe has agreed to become one of the undead – a role traditionally left to the Vice President.
Usually, only live Presidents are permitted to run, but a special dispensation has been made for Joe, given he was half dead already. His campaign manager and personal Necromancer explained: ‘He’ll be embalmed and buried beneath The White House lawn. At a certain point when the moon is full and he has enough electoral votes, he will rise again – just like the debt ceiling.’
One voter was philosophical about supporting a zombie-in-chief: ‘Democracy is dead, so I guess the President should be as well.’