Sir David Attenborough is to make a documentary series about the mating habits of Boris Johnson, after Britain's horniest ex PM spawned yet another descendent.
Attenborough's trademark vocal stylings will illuminate some of the most sexually graphic and disturbing scenes ever to be shown on British TV.
Johnson is heard grunting and squealing before shouting "Huzzah!". He is then seen smoking a post coital and frequently extra marital cigarette, before hurriedly escaping out of a window to avoid an irate husband and any suggestion of child support. He stops only briefly, smelling the air for cash-filled brown envelopes, before being wildly overpaid for an after dinner speech. Johnson then scans the horizon to find yet another eyelash fluttering generic Tory blonde.
To Attenborough's audible disgust, the cycle begins again.