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Kate Bush Tour forces all other female singers into early retirement

The UK’s last spark of originality, has caused many younger singers to pack up their crotch-less panties. As one fan said: ‘If Kate was to fart Wuthering Heights through a sousaphone, while dressed in a conch shell, it would still be better than Lady Gaga. Whereas Miley Cyrus lip syncing astride a flying hotdog, is not even regarded as the most embarrassing five minutes of a Miley Cyrus tour.’

Unlike the singer-songwriter, her fan base may have aged less well. Hammersmith Apollo it set to be filled to capacity with middle-aged poets, earth-mothers and guys who still jerk off to Babooshka. Naturally fans will need to temper their optimism as Bush is unlikely to instantly provide a cure for cancer, although it is reasonable to expect a definitive answer to the existence of God.

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