Next year's coronation of King Charles is already sparking controversy with the Snowflake Brigade who claim that the Koh-i-Noor diamond, the world's third most famous diamond, after The Pink Panther and Jim, probably should be removed from the Crown and returned to its rightful place.
Campaigners have suggested that, even though nobody really knows for sure where it came from, the Koh-i-Noor should be returned to somewhere in India, probably.
Self-appointed expert on everything that doesn't really concern him, Gary Matthews, told our reporter, "The Koh-i-Noor was probably stolen from India by the British, and it should be returned. The King has a load of money and should be able to replace it with something more appropriate. I suggest a previously sucked Old English Spangle, possible the aniseed or the treacle flavoured ones. That would be better, mainly because of its name."
Buckingham Palace has refused to comment on any coronation plans but did tell us that this particular brand of confectionery was actually discontinued in the late 1980s.