Kwasi Kwarteng "still hopeful" for employee of the month award
The chancellor, Kwasi Kwarteng, is reported to have cleared a space on a side cabinet for an Employee of the Month award.
"He's surprisingly optimistic.", said a treasury spokesman. "I have explained that destroying the pound, humiliating the party and pushing mortgage rates through the roof isn't an ideal start to a career."
Your reporter repeated these reservations to Mr Kwarteng who responded, "Well, I think you'll find there's more to the job that running the economy. I carried a tray of champagne for some mates at a do the other day and they seemed jolly appreciative; that counts for something."
When it was pointed out that the Treasury doesn't actually have an employee of the month award. Mr Kwarteng responded, "Well, it will after my conference speech. And might I add, I've a really tidy desk; the prime-minister asked me to clear it this morning."