Number 10 is to be decorated with a suitably low-key and insignificant portrait of Liz Truss.
The walls of Downing Street are adorned with portraits of Conservative political titans: Heath, Thatcher, that other woman one who did the stupid dance… Soon, the image of Liz Truss will be joining them. Sort of.
“Ms Truss has to have a portrait because, technically, she was Prime Minister,” said Head of Downing Street Portraits, Sebastian Felcher. However, the picture will need to reflect the incredibly chaotic and rather measly forty-five days she spent in office. It will therefore be a very small, barely noticeable passport photo. It will be shot in forgettable black and white, and it will look like it’s just been found stuck to the bottom of somebody’s shoe.
“It won’t have its own frame but will just be slotted into the corner of an existing portrait of one of the proper PMs. A slight draught will then probably blow it onto the floor where it will be sucked up by the Downing Street vacuum cleaner.
“A crumpled and torn Truss portrait, covered in dust and half a dead spider, will then be rescued from the hoover bag and put in its final resting place - the green wheelie bin outside the Number 10 kitchens.”
Asked what she thought about the plans for her portrait, Ms Truss looked embarrassed and said, “Prime Minister? Me? No, no, you’re mistaken. I’ve never been Prime Minister.
“£115,000 a year, you say? Oh alright, you’ve got me - guilty as charged!”