Updated: Sep 14, 2021
'I won £1.2 million in June last year, had to get the train to Watford to pose for the photo with the cheque,' said William today. 'Then the trouble started. You try getting on a Virgin Pendilino with an oversize cheque. I didn't want to crease it, obviously, but then the ticket collector insisted I paid for the seat it was occupying. That was the end of the $43.50 I'd set aside for an egg sandwich.
'But the real problems come when I tried to cash the cheque. You have to feed them into a scanning device at your local branch - the one forty miles from where you live - and they don't have an opening wide enough for the Camelot cheques. I'd given my job up as soon as I realised I'd won, now the cheque's stopping a draught in the living room and I'm flipping burgers in McDonalds.
Camelot admitted that a lot of lottery winners didn't cash their cheques. 'We've just assumed they don't want to lose that "just won" feeling. If they prefer, we'll pay them in cash instead. We've only got ten pence pieces but if they return with their cheques and a wheelbarrow we'll happily do the deal,' said a spokesman today.