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  • Writer's pictureSully

Man ‘disappointed’ that letters to local paper have negligible effect

Local bore Gary Bullingdon has expressed his ‘disappointment’, ‘surprise’ and ‘disgust’ that – despite hundreds of letters to his local newspaper – nothing seems to change.

‘Take last week as a case in point’, he told NewsBiscuit. ‘I described seeing a youth dropping his crisp packet on the floor and asked why oh why parents didn’t bring their children up properly. Today I saw the SAME youth drop an empty COKE can on the floor in almost the SAME spot. Unbelievable’.

If the powers-that-be had listened to Gary over the years his town would be free of litter, schools would have parking exclusion zones at peak times, National Service would instil discipline in young people and automated checkouts in supermarkets would all be gone.

‘It’s almost as if the people with the power aren’t listening’, Gary said. ‘Or reading, I should say. It’s obvious that they don’t know what to do, why not just check out the Herald every Thursday for some good suggestions? I know the editor, maybe he could do a sort of Suggestions Box for the town! That’s a cracking idea, where’s my green biro’.

We tried to contact the editor of Gary’s local paper but he was hiding behind a cupboard until he realised we hadn’t brought Gary with us.

‘Every town has one’, he explained. ‘Things do happen here, you understand, just not often enough. The last time we had a big story was the mass suicide of Gary’s neighbours. Understandable, really’.

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