A couple who had been on several dates have just split up after he visited her apartment for the first time, and saw her choice of wall art.
Nathan Dunce said, “Things had been going well with Natalie, but that all changed when she invited me round to her place for a romantic meal. As soon as I walked in I saw a massive framed poster saying, ‘May All Who Enter Leave As Friends’. I mean, really? Even the bloke who comes to read the gas meter?
"Above the sofa in the living room there was a big sign saying, ‘Live Every Moment Like It’s Your Last’. That felt like too much pressure to me - when I’m sitting on a sofa I mainly just want to watch Netflix and eat Doritos. In the kitchen she had a sign saying, ‘This Kitchen Is For Dancing’, which struck me as being a recipe for indigestion, not to mention downright dangerous - you shouldn’t leave a chip pan unattended while you go tangoing round the kitchen!
"Even in the bathroom there was a sign saying, ‘Wash Away Your Troubles With Some Bubbles’. I don’t like bubble baths. Most of my time in the bathroom is spent sitting on the toilet scrolling through my phone while I have a crap. I had thought Natalie seemed really easy going, but when I saw all those signs everywhere telling me what to do, I started to think that she’s actually quite bossy. The final straw came when I saw a sign above the bed saying, ‘Sleep, Sweet Dreams’. No mention of sex at all - not even a little sign saying, ‘Just A Quickie, I’ve Got An Early Start Tomorrow’. So as soon as we’d eaten the meal, I gave her the old, ’It’s Not You, It’s Me’ spiel, and legged it out of there.”
When asked how she was feeling after the break-up, Natalie said, “To be honest, I’m not too upset. Nathan was a nice guy, but his dress sense was terrible. All he ever wears are t-shirts with slogans on them like ‘Just Do It’, and ‘Love Football’, which made me think he’s a bit immature. I texted my best friend to tell her Nathan and I had split up, and she sent me a meme which says, ‘Be Strong Enough To Let Go, And Wise Enough To Wait For What You Deserve.’ That’s quite inspiring. I wonder if I can get that on a poster?”