top of page

Man’s nodding relationship with dental floss enters into 3rd year

Gary Brackley, 41, went through his morning ablutions as usual today, again eyeing the dental floss and thinking, “I really should floss more” without knowing that he was entering into the 3rd year of this hands off relationship.

“I don’t know why,“ he told us when we confronted him on his doorstep before work, “I’ve never got time, really, I’m always busy in the mornings. My teeth are in pretty good shape, to be fair. A little bit of bleeding here and there.”

His dental hygienist immediately denied this and told us his teeth and gums were in a poor state, the bleeding was a bad sign and he really needed to begin a solid daily routine of flossing and / or interdental brushes. As he had been told two and half years ago, his last appointment. Upon further investigation, we also uncovered that his morning routine wavered between snooze button brinkmanship, mindless doom-scrolling, Call of Duty, staring into the fridge and occasional self pleasure. Followed by an inevitable trip to Gregg’s.

We spoke to the Dental Floss in Gary’s cabinet. Dent-o-floss, 4, an extra wide, waxed product was equally at a loss.

“Look, I’m not one to judge,” said Mr. Floss, “he knows where I am and he knows when called upon I will do my best to get in-between those teeth and, together, we’ll find that plaque and get rid of it, right down to the gums. I’m here for him. I won’t give up on Gary. I’ll be here. Just tell him, please tell him.”

We put this emotional, come-get-me plea to Gary and he promised to change his ways and reignite his relationship with heroic dent-o-floss but as of his of reporting, no such reunion has taken place but Gregg’s visits and self pleasure had increased by 20%.

52 views0 comments


bottom of page