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Man who could “swear for England” fails to make the squad

Foul-mouthed lout, Jack the lad, and father of three, Colin Jefferson, of Tipton, has always prided himself in his ability to swear “at the drop of a f*cking hat”. His family are embarrassed by him and he is no longer allowed to visit his sister for fear her kids will repeat anything he might say.

He has been successfully swearing for his local pub, Sunday league team, and even at county level for many years and was recently spotted by England Scout, Gary Barnes, at a beer festival where he let loose an impressive tirade of abuse at a barman for not serving him after last orders.

Gary was so impressed with Jefferson's smooth coprolaliac skills that he invited Colin to England Trials at their new purpose built centre in Shitterton, to spend a few days training with the squad before they left for this year's Eurovision Swearing Contest in Cockermouth.

Sadly, Jefferson just didn't make the grade. The England team coach told us, “We were sorry to let Colin go. He has the skills to swear like a good'un but he lacks the consistency of a true professional. He telegraphs his C-bombs and very often will lose his composure and resort to just shouting the same swear over and over, while pointing an accusatory, sovereigned finger.”

A spokesperson for the Jefferson family told us he was “f*cking gutted.”

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