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Markets are a barometer of bugger all

Analysts have finally admitted that share values have as much a relationship with politics, as Donald Trump does with Germaine Greer. Investors would be better served by reading chicken entrails or consulting a German-speaking octopus. One trader commented; ‘The London Stock Exchange is like a magic-8-ball – filled with cocaine’.

Through a combination of crystal and navel gazing, media experts will continue to talk about unstable Asian markets; while confused viewers will continue to imagine a rickety noodle stands. Said the trader: ‘It’s all an illusion – a load of irresponsible sociopaths, gambling with other people’s money…but enough of politics’.

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