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Matterhorn no longer made of chocolate

Toblerone has said it will remove the mountain from its packaging and will stop covering the peak in 7000 tonnes of chocolatey goodness. The sheer logistics of this annual event has nearly bankrupted the sweet manufacturer and has made all the mountain goats obese.

Climbers have long been scaling the Matterhorn without food supplies, knowing that if they got peckish they could just break a bit off. Said one mountaineer: 'We'll have to resort to chewing on slabs of tectonic plate or, as you call it, nougat.'

This is not the only element of nature which mimics a chocolate bar; the planet Mars has a caramel centre, parts of the galactic Milky Way are fluffy and Hershey Bars are made from sh$t. But at least Swiss villagers will now be saved from the threat of an avalanche of melted chocolate, every time someone leaves the Matterhorn too close to the radiator.

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