Ministers ‘must work harder’ for their foie gras

Suggestions include MPs doing an actual day’s work, only having one second home for their secret lovers, paying for their own pornography and floating duck houses.

The Justice Secretary responded: 'There is no evidence at all to show that a so-called tough approach works. We are a product of generations of in-breeding, laziness and incompetence. I’ll be damned if I will lift a finger to break that long and inglorious tradition. Now hand me my Salamander Hors d’oeuvre.'