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Miracle declared as face of Jesus appears in painting of Jesus

A woman from Newcastle-under-Lyme has spotted the face of Jesus in a painting of Jesus. Christine Spooner, a 61-year-old chorister from the Stoke-on-Trent area was dusting her Jesus shelf in the 'other' sitting room of her terraced house nobody is allowed to use unless the Queen visits, when she noticed what looked for all the world like the face of Jesus. 'I immediately took a photo of it, and posted it on Twitter. Within the hour, 4,000 people had agreed that it definitely looked like our saviour. It's a miracle! I feel so blessed that it is me who he has chosen to appear to.'

In an unrelated incident the same day, Jesus has been accused of wearing brownface at a party in Nazareth. Jeremy Spooner, 61, a tone deaf vicar from Newcastle-under-Lyme noticed that a stained glass representation of Jesus had him looking 'somewhat swarthy'. The Laughably Reverend Spooner explained, 'I happened to glance up at the window, and there he was, not looking as white as he ought to. I contacted the world's leading authority on such matters, the grumbling page of the Daily Mail online, and within the hour 4,000 people had agreed that our saviour should not have been wearing brownface at that important meeting he was attending with his disciples where absolutely no water was turned into wine.'

If you have recently witnessed a miracle, please contact the Manchester United gift shop.

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