Nadhim Zahawi is delighted to have been awarded a prestigious position in Sunak’s cabinet and cannot wait to take his place right at the back in between the cobwebs and the huge stack of ‘In Liz We Truss’ novelty mugs, which went out of circulation almost as abruptly as Zahawi’s pro Boris article in the Telegraph earlier this week.
“I don’t have an official job title yet because as Rishi explained to me, he has created this new role just for me as he feels no existing cabinet position is a match for my unique skillset,” Zahawi said. “And Rishi even promised he would get me out and give me a polish occasionally so my head doesn’t lose its glossy sheen. It is a bit dark in here and the internet connection is patchy but I’ll get used to it. What was that strange locking sound? Who’s that I can hear laughing? Rishi are you there mate…hello?”