top of page

Nation plunged into crisis as tens of ribbons may go uncut

A wealthy old chap who jumped a queue of 6 million commoners awaiting life saving medical attention has been diagnosed as probably having overdone it on the swan.

All people qualified in medicine have immediately dashed to his attention, because everything he does is so crucially important. 'Imagine the chaos without a rich old gent pointing at things and mumbling vaguely positive appreciation,' screamed a panicking patriot.

When told who might have to take over duties, the patriot removed their own head and placed it on a spike.

Daily Express shares rose 5,000% on the back of a guaranteed 15 news cycles of wall-to-wall panic-inducing speculation, and all crockery production machinery has been instantly retooled to cover emergency production of inflamed prostate mugs.

A US commentator allayed State-side fears by pointing out, 'Americans aren't so dumb as to have an old white man as their leader.'

Image: Wix

74 views0 comments


bottom of page