At an unveiling ceremony, the BBC handed over the freedom to offend with impunity, a boxset of ‘Love thy neighbour’ and the keys to Richard Hammond. Following in the proud tradition of Jeremy Clarkson, the new host has agreed to respect ‘Top Gears’ standards in misogyny, mullets and ill-fitting jeans.
Protected by a UN charter, he will be entitled to make a certain annual quota of slurs provided they are done in an ‘ironic voice, with winks to the camera’. An honour that has only been previously held by Prince Phillip and all P.E. teachers. His agent said: ‘He’s really looking forward to some creative freedom. He’s already purchased a minstrel outfit, Freddie Starr’s Nazi regalia and Katie Hopkin’s Twitter feed’.