In a decisive move, the Prime Minister has set out proposals to confront the evil forces of clemency undermining society. A Home Office spokeswoman said: ‘Being nice is a sign of weakness. We need to be more like a bastard for the bastards to take us seriously. Once we’ve established ourselves as top bastards, then the other bastards will be nice. It stands to reason, if more of us were like bastards then the world would be a nicer place’.
In his speech the PM explained that gone are the days that the police will leave you alone; although he was quick to state that this would not be applied to the issue of tax avoidance. He criticized those that promote hatred, that seek to divide our society, as it clearly infringed on his own job description. And any new counter-extremism bill will definitely include the ability to summon the Eye of Sauron in our hour of need.