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Next round of Tory Leadership battle to take place in the middle aisle of Aldi

Word from deep inside Conservative Party Central Office is that the next round of Tory Leadership Debates is to take place in the middle aisle of the Aldi supermarket in Gillingham.

Liz Truss, the Panda Pops Margaret Thatcher, the Travel-Iron Lady, will go up against Rushi Sunak, the illegitimate offspring of Mr Bean and that blue rat from that Pixar film, in what is said to be the Winner Takes All of Leadership Debates. Items on the agenda for discussion are believed to be: taking candy from babies, the flogging of dead horses and making the rich friends richer and their poor friends poorer.

A spokesperson for the Tories told our reporter: 'The middle aisle of the Aldi is the ideal location, in amongst the cassette players, the lawn darts, the welding kits, the socks with toes and the wetsuits that are just a little bit too small or too big. It's the ideal place to find something you didn't really want, something of dubious origin you don't really need, and which will be obsolete, forgotten and on the scrap heap in less than a year.'

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