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NHS runs out of hospitals for Boris to visit

The NHS has announced that there are no more hospitals available for Boris Johnson to visit.

"We understand this is a difficult time for the prime-minister, so it makes sense for him to be photographed in non-controversial settings.", said an NHS spokesman, "But with last week's visit to Milton Keynes hospital, he's now been to all of them and unless he starts again, he's a bit stuck."

It's understood that Downing Street is putting pressure on the Health Secretary, Sajid Javid, to build new hospitals.

"Unfortunately, building real hospitals takes time, originally the government planned on building fantasy hospitals - which is much quicker and easier and, may I say, cheaper.", explained Mr Javid, "However, as they only exist in the mind of the Prime-Minister, it rather difficult for him to visit them. Of course, with hindsight, it seems obvious we'd need some kind of distraction around now."

Plans have been announced for alternative visits, but a Downing Street spokesman admitted the options were a bit limited:

"Obviously, party supply shops and pubs are right out. We did have a visit to a brewery on the schedule, but unfortunately, the prime-minister wrote down the wrong date, time and location. Visits to military locations are usually fairly safe, but with the current mood in the country, keeping Mr Johnson away from people with guns seems wisest."

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