top of page

No singing at weddings? Thank f$ck!

Out of the chaos of their Covid-19 strategy, the Government has finally hit upon a regulation that everyone can support – an end to your drunk Uncle singing ‘My Way’ at your wedding reception. No more will we have to listen to your preconscious 11-year-old niece butchering ‘Pie Jesu’ and anyone attempting ‘(Everything I Do) I Do It For You’ can just f$ck off.

Instead, weddings in the UK will be slightly more sombre affairs, with the bride and groom staring at each other in sullen silence – much like the next ten years of marriage.  If anyone looks like doing a sneaky Whitney Houston or warming up for a cheeky Celine Dion, they will be instantly shunned by the congregation – much like Richard Dawkins. Explained one Health Official: ‘Playing instruments that are blown into should also be avoided – mainly because no one wants ‘Unchained Melody’ played on the trombone.’

If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?

346 views0 comments


bottom of page