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Partners of gun licence applicants to be asked - 'Are they a nutter?'

The complex questionnaire will involve a vast matrix of psychological tests, Rorschach ink blots and a massive flashing sign, in font size 40, shouting 'Are they a freaking psychopath?!?'. A police spokeswoman confirmed: 'The main purpose is to determine if they are a danger to the public. As if asking to buy a gun wasn't hint enough.'

It has already resulted in some applications being refused or existing licences being revoked - moments before they went on a Bank Job. One page on the test has pictures of Gandhi, Dirty Harry and Machine Gun Kelly, with the question Marry, Shag, Kill?. 95% of all respondents said they would shoot everyone, with 5% saying they would just shoot Gandhi, but then go on a killing spree with Harry and Kelly.

Gun licences are currently reviewed every five years, so police run an office sweepstakes on who has shot the most. 'The new law assumes that a partner will help prevent a crime spree - although this was a mixed success with Bonnie & Clyde. The main thing is to identify those who would use a gun indiscriminately - members of the Israeli Defence Force need not apply.'

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