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Pinewood Studios hires extra security to keep Olivia Colman out

Pinewood Studios, home of the British film industry, has had to hire extra security to keep Olivia Colman out while making a film she wasn’t cast in. “Obviously I knew it wouldn’t be easy,” said embattled producer Mike Chaffinch. “But I thought if we swore everyone to secrecy, maybe we could get away with it.

”Unfortunately - I don’t know if someone blabbed, or she saw a casting call for extras, or what - but three weeks into the shoot, security radioed that Colman was at the front gate, demanding to know if we were making a film without her.

”I headed straight out to reassure her we’d never do that, and I was only here for a meeting. I almost had her convinced, when at the worst possible moment the director shouted ‘Cut!’ I hoped she hadn’t heard, but I saw such a terrible look of betrayal in her eyes… it’s amazing how much she can convey without saying a word. Almost made me wish we’d cast her.”

Meanwhile, a spokesman for BAFTA said he hadn’t heard anything about a film without Olivia Colman being made, and thought it must be a misunderstanding - “Maybe they were just shooting a scene she wasn’t in?” He added that he couldn’t imagine any director not casting her as it would would render the film ineligible for most awards, and was probably a condition of funding anyway.

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Apr 08

Olivia who?

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