A spokesman for the Prime Minister confirmed that as of today 'three Ukrainians have been admitted to the UK on top of the 1.5 million or so taken by Poland.' When pushed the spokesman said the PM thought it outrageous that all three had been admitted, but it turned out one was a potential Tory Party donor, 'so that was alright.'
'We are prepared to provide refuge for oligarchs, billionaires and all potential donors, of course,' added the spokesman, 'but those poor war-torn people - well, they're poor aren't they? What can they donate? Perhaps if they left any valuables at the Channel Tunnel entrance and returned to East Europe everybody would be happy,' he added.