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PM replaces flying monkeys with frickin’ lasers


Up until now the UK has relied heavily on its own natural defences – London rental prices, bad teeth and the threat of Boris Johnson being fired from one of his own water-cannons. But the new £30m prototype laser weapon will help transform Downing Street into a lair that any super-villain would be proud of.


It is still to be seen if PM will give up her traditional broom and maniacal cackle, but close advisors say she is relieved to have Halloween off. The PM would no longer need to puff up like an adder, but would still vulnerable to ‘bucket-based’ water attacks.


The first of these laser weapons will come into service in the mid-2020s - just in time for our Robot Overlords to make use of them.




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