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PM to repeal the repeal of the Corn Laws

The Prime Minister is to embark on an ambitious programme of repealing every bit of legislation that might protect the British worker. Starting with the Human Rights and European Communities Acts, Mrs May proposes to bring back child labour and fornication with beasts of the field.

Turning the clock back to indentured servitude, Mrs May will use the Queen's Speech to return the UK to a golden age of feudalism. A Number 10 official explained: 'We've been mollycoddled by EU bureaucrats with their 48-hour weeks and straight bananas. Quite frankly, there's nothing more heart-warming than the sight of a small child ensnared on a Spinning Jenny'.

Dark satanic mills are expected to pop up on every street corner, while the minimum working age will be lowered to the third trimester. Said one MP: 'My ancestors didn't come all the way over from Normandy to be governed by Europeans.’

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