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Pope condemns war and returns all Vatican condom machines to Russia

The world’s top Pope and white frock model, Pope Francis, has said the war in Ukraine is 'well bad' and ‘This Putin melt is bang out of order. Know what I mean, blud?’

In protest at Russia reducing Ukraine to a pile of smoking rubble, Pope Francis has put the ultimate sanction into place.

‘Those Russian MIG condom machines have to go. I’ve ordered them to be stripped out of all the gentleman’s bathroom facilities and put on my private jet back to that smug little prick in Moscow.’

Pope Francis’ dramatic intervention was fully supported by high ranking Bishops. A spokesbishop said, ‘those Soviet-era Johnny machines are proper pony. I used two last week, and both were leaking. I know they’re supposed to be Holy, but Putin is taking the piss.’

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