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Prince Charles slays Parliament with “Zhuzhed-up” edit of Queen’s speech

In an effort to connect with younger generations, but not in a ‘Prince Andrewy-way’, Prince Charles has delivered a ‘Xennials style’ version of the speech originally penned by The Queen in his opening of parliament today.

The Queen pulled out of the State Opening for the first time in 60 years due to mobility problems, the fact that she can’t be arsed, and because she’d rather drink a gallon of corgi piss than spend another minute in the vicinity of Boris Johnson.

'Everyone knows that kids these days are obsessed by the goings on in parliament,' said Palace aide, Graeme Stool. 'They’re constantly Instatwatting what goes down ‘in-da-House of Commons’, so The Prince of Wales saw this as a gilt-edged opportunity to show the masses that he’s ‘down wiv da kids'.'

'Having read The Queen’s speech this morning, Charles, or Ché as he wants to be known, says the intended message was ‘a bit square’, and he wanted to ‘zhuzh it up a bit’ by adding ‘a few woke zingers’ and some ‘lit takes’.'

The Speech, which focused on growth of the economy was re-titled, 'Shook: The Struggle is Real', and made some acerbic jibes at the government with lines such as, 'This government is so sus, I can’t even. They should be cancelled!', and a vociferous chant of, 'Who’s the boomer with the wig', aimed at the Prime Minister.

The Prince of Wales appeared to be enjoying himself as he entered Parliament via the red carpet but had dispensed with his traditional dress uniform and instead displayed his ‘bling’ (medals) on a Superdry hoodie.

To finish, the heir to the throne winked at the Speaker of the House and told him, 'Yo, I gotta bounce, my palace is a pigsty, hashtag humblebrag’, before addressing the floor, dropping a microphone he had brought himself, and stating, 'Ché out!'

Image from Pixabay by PixelAnarchy


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