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Private Sector abuse so much more cost effective

Reflecting on their proven track-record of outsourcing things that matter, the Conservative government have hailed Medway Secure Training Centre as a beacon of maltreatment; providing round-the-clock neglect at affordable prices, allowing people to die in custody ‘with dignity.’

A Home Office official remarked: ‘By opening the prison service to private contractors we’ve guaranteed the same level of customer satisfaction we’ve seen since the nationalization of British Rail. You only have to look at the contrast between state and private schools, to know who provides meaningful lasting trauma. Shares in shackles have increased, alongside innovations in energy-saving Tasers and recyclable batons. You don’t have to pay exorbitant fees or elect Cyril Smith, to scare children.’

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