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Queen to give Trump a lap-dance

Rolling out the red carpet and the nipple tassels, Donald Trump will receive a state visit and a massage, with extras. To this end, Queen Elizabeth II will be expected to perform a burlesque involving a pack of trained corgis and two Russian fans of ‘water sports’. Critics have suggested that it is degrading for the Monarch but it cannot be worse than ‘It's a Royal Knockout’.

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