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Rise in orphans linked to Tory policy and the casting of 'Annie'

With the number of children living in temporary accommodation at a three-year high, it has become self-evident that the Home Secretary is socially engineering a nation of plucky, red-haired waifs. Spurred on by her love of Musical Theatre Theresa May has promised a lovable scamp on every street corner, an ‘Oliver’ look-alike in every Christmas stocking and a ‘hard knock’ existence for every immigrant.

More than 90,000 children are being deliberately schooled in how to befriend stray dogs and eccentric billionaires, as their only way out of poverty. While the main role of an irritating ragamuffin, with uncontrollable hair, will be played by Boris Johnson.

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