Weevil stalker and pretend prime minister, Rishi Sunak, has assured workers at some random factory that the country and the economy are safe in his hands.
Speaking to a glum looking set of hi-vis clad helmets preselected not to blurt out 'f*ck off Sunak' involuntarily, this group of people aren't actually his own shambles of a Cabinet this morning, but apart from having original thoughts they could be. Leaving every last one of them not reassured, he has deftly avoided convincing anyone he is working so very hard by having some handmaid take his jacket, roll up his shirtsleeves and tuck his tie in for him. The only thing the nation can count on is another sodding video of him self-aggrandising about his million pound trousers, which appear to have some weird phobia of his shins.
The 1,000th online clip of him once again telling you how rich and brilliant he is and that he has only broken fifteen laws he'll have you pay the fines for, the tight arsed minge nugget. Did he really just say 'sad face' while tilting his head and pouting? Maybe that alone will help out of crippling poverty his working class friends he denies having met?
A catastrophic cost of living crisis caused primarily by some previous-but-one chancellor of the exchequer bleating on about austerity for those who aren't fabulously wealthy is now downgraded to the 80th thing on his not-bothering-with-that list, while he selects another cringeworthy pose the kidz will admire. The repetition of 'Cookie Monster bad, me good' while forcing another unendearing toothy grimace must surely be the only thing that actually needs doing to fix this diabolical situation, righ' yeah?