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Russia tries to secure Ukraine's Eurovision vote

Russia has sent numerous ultimatums to the beleaguered Ukrainian army reminding them of their numerical inferiority and the fact that pop duo t.A.T.u. (2003) are officially the ‘only acceptable’ form of homosexual display permitted in former Soviet countries. A General explained: ‘Our tanks are a merely a representation of our commitment to pan-sexual music competitions, eye-catching flak jackets and totalitarian regimes’.

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