Scientists discover what all those TV input/outputs mean
It's up there with the riddle of the Sphinx and James Corden's career, but scientists have uncovered the mystery behind all the 'hole thingies' on the back on your wide-curved-plasma-HDR-LED-HGV-RSVP-boil in the bag-televisual box. Rather than an assortment of audio/digital connections, it is now believed that the embedded slots are alien in origin and form an important part in our species' evolution.
Naturally man's first impulse upon discovering the various holes was to use them like an electrical glory hole; but that kind of experimentation ceased shortly after an awkward trip to A&E. Other primitives, still using Betamax, sadly worshipped the holes as rudimentary Gods, feeding them cotton buds and twiglets.
Explained one paleoanthropologist and aerial mechanic: 'We've concluded that once these intergalactic hieroglyphics are deciphered, then the human race will advance to a higher state of being; probably something with Sky Sports and genuine surround sound - not that Dolby 5.1 rubbish'.
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Five go Dobbing in the Neighbours