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Snow to be banned, due to Russia connection

The Foreign Office explained: 'Technically snow has been around a little bit longer than Russia, but we needed a strong optic, to show the Ukraine we care - but not too much.

'Henceforth all snow will be banned from the UK and is to be replaced with grated coconut. All snowmen will be shot as spies. Ironically the chief exporter of coconut is based in Moscow, but its the performative gesture that counts'.

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