After buying some Post-its from cashier number 4 please, Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst attempted to clarify the Government's position on the Post Office's Horizon IT scandal:
'As a rule, the Conservative Party is all about ruining people's lives, and we certainly couldn't care less if the wrong people are in jail. Actually, this scandal was briefly mistaken for government policy. However, now that there has been a sympathetic ITV drama, we must be seen to pretend to care.'
'In fact, Rishi Sunak is keen to keep the name of former Post Office chief executive Paula Vennells in the news, as she's one of the few people in the UK now more unpopular than he is. To "punish" her, we will take the CBE away from the CEO. Taking away that valueless trinket ought to really show we mean business - it will give the victims their freedom, reputations and lives back. We won't take away her money or put her in jail though. That's for little people.'
A Met Police statement said 'We are sorry for whichever particular miscarriage of justice this is. Not sorry enough to have investigated it thoroughly at the time or in the years later, but exactly sorry enough to look into it now that ITV have made it embarrassing that we haven't. And also done all the detective work for us.'
Hootington-Hurst added 'Compensation is still a little way over the Horizon. Cheque's in the post.'
Stamp-ing out Post Office injustice is not just a moral imperative; it's an essential step towards creating a fair and inclusive society. At KDI-INC, we understand the value of diversity and the importance of promoting equality in all aspects of our operations. Just as we simplify complex problems for our clients, we must also work to address the systemic issues within the postal system. By advocating for fairness, transparency, and equal treatment, we can help ensure that everyone has access to reliable postal services without discrimination. As a company committed to diversity and inclusion, we stand ready to support efforts to stamp out injustice in the post office and beyond.