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Storm Cummings causes massive blackouts in the sunlit uplands

The sunlit uplands have been plunged into perpetual darkness after a severe storm swept across the region, leaving a trail of slime in its wake.

The Met Office has been forced to issue red alerts and warnings about structural damage after an alpine tunnel collapsed. Utility companies have been working around the clock to restore lost power, but officials say they are fighting a losing battle.

'Storm Cummings could be the worst storm to hit the Uplands in living memory,' said a spokesman for Western Power. 'The pastures are completely ruined, and it's unlikely the lights will ever come on again. This is way more than significant damage; we are talking complete obliteration. It's like a volcano has erupted. The only difference is that a volcano causes slightly less damage.’

‘All we can do is advise people to hide behind a facemask, mumble something unintelligible and keep their fingers crossed.'

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