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Suella to sing in new leadership pitch


NewsBiscuit has discovered a set of lyrics in an e-mail trail, after being sent an email from the Home Secretary’s official account (followed by a further message an hour later from her personal email account saying “D’oh, please ignore the previous message”).



It is believed that the lyrics (based on a 1974 Hues Corporation hit) are intended to be sung by Ms Braverman at the next Tory Party Conference in October. As this may be the final Tory Conference before the next General Election, this can be viewed as an important part of a potential leadership bid.




Stop the Boats (apologies to Wally Holmes)



Would you like to know how I’ll get promotion?

Yes, you’d like to know how I’ll get promotion!



We’ll stop the boats

We’ll stop the boats, baby.

Stop the Boats

We’ll tip the boats over

Stop the Boats

They won’t get to Dover

Stop the Boats!



Ever since we got back into power,

We’ve hit the poor

Just like the rush of the wind.

And while we’ve kept the rich

Quite safe from austerity,

There’ll always be the threat

From Wokerati.


The Left is full of shit, like the ocean

We need speed and more awareness

To get true loco motion.


So, would you like to know how I’ll get devotion?

Yes, you’d like to know how I’ll get devotion!



We’ll stop the boats

We’ll stop the boats, baby.

Stop the Boats

We’ll tip the boats over

Stop the Boats

And I’ll be in clover

Stop the Boats!


Till last year

We kept up in the polls

And we’ve always had the right-wing press

To fill the holes


But now we need a big distraction

From our sinking ship

Don't drift away

Let three words come from your sweet lips.



There’s lawyers full of shit, like the ocean

And Rwanda’s failed and even Bibby’s

Stuck in slow motion



Would you like to know how I’ll get promotion?

Yes, you’d like to know how I’ll get promotion!



We’ll stop the boats

We’ll stop the boats, baby



[Etc., until you hear the music fade, or you get a “slitting throat” gesture from Greg at the back of the hall - which means “stop”, BTW]


A further suggested song based on the 1984 Mike Oldfield song Get to France (F*** off back to France) appears to have been rejected as “too modern” for the Conference audience, “without enough clap-along potential” and “containing a rude word”.


The Home Secretary has been approached for comment (via both email accounts)


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