"The Prime Toddler cancelled a meeting with his Greek counterpart because he broke a promise and demanded the return of the Elgin Rattle," said a spokesman for Rishi 'Tweedledum' Sunak.
"Young Master Sunak insists he never stole the rattle and even if someone did steal it, it was all a long time ago and the rattle is probably better off staying here in Britain, anyway."
"I'm not satisfied by the position taken by the British government," Greek premier Stavros Tweedledum told the BBC, "and I intend to fight a battle over it, because that could help my chances of getting re-elected."
"Tweedledum Sunak has accepted his challenge," said the Number Ten spokesman, "because creating a big new row over this tedious old chestnut of an issue - and telling the Greeks to sod off - will probably play very well with readers of the Daily Mail.
"Master Sunak has also announced he will not appear for this week's questions in the Commons, because he has heard that Starmer was planning to call him a petulant, thin-skinned baby.
"The Prime Toddler wants to make it utterly clear that if anyone else dares mention something which he doesn't want to hear about, he will throw his tricycle into the hedge, lock himself in his bedroom and never speak to anyone else, ever again in his life."
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