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The biggest threat to Xmas canapés is women on a diet

England's chief medical officer warned: ‘Everyone loves a Christmas pudding but no one likes to look like one. The UK’s women need to show more restraint or a smaller bite circumference. There is a ‘laissez faire’ attitude to eating, which is unfortunate phrase as it sounds like some fancy French trifle.

‘Just stop drinking goose fat and treating Baileys as a diet shake. Move the Quality Street to the other side of the room and accept that you’re not big boned if you look like a Prop Forward. You can’t eat happiness and you certainly can’t deep fry it.’

While the report mentions growing obesity in men, it acknowledges that fat men are much more jolly, particularly at seasonal points of the year.


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