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The spread of Stacey Dooley surpasses Covid-19.

Scientists have warned that by the end of 2020, one hundred percent of all TV listings will be infected with some part of Luton's answer to Woodward & Bernstein. Sightings of Dooley on our screens are now more regular than sightings of Donald Trump in a beauty pageant changing room.

The chirpy presenter excels at investigative banter and has played the role of white saviour more times than a C of E nativity play. Her brand of mockney journalism has helped expose working conditions around the world, especially the one or two jobs not done by Stacey already.

During one recent documentary on giving birth under lockdown, many mothers-to-be were surprised to find that Stacey Dooley, rather than their partner, would be the one holding their hand. Strict Covid rules meant that partners were forbidden, but having Dooley put a camera up your uterus was fine.

Health Officials advise keeping a social distance of at least two meters from any TV remote: 'Stay in small groups. This won't protect you, but it will reduce her audience share'.

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