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'There's only room for 12 on my private jet,' says Pope regretfully

In an act of pure humanitarianism (whilst still maintaining a healthy luggage/migrant ratio) the Pope has kindly offered hope and boarding passes to a select few. A Papal spokesman said: 'His Holiness selected those to save on a strict criterion, of no screaming babies or stag-dos'. Behind an improvised curtain -to denote business class - he was able to offer first-class confessionals for all his Muslim guests.

Having liberated a dozen migrants from the camp at Lesbos, the Pope hopes to inspire all those that possess their own plane or major religion. Those migrants that remain did ask if the Pope would be returning for the rest of them, but the Bishop of Rome explained that his 2,000 roomed Vatican Palace was ' simply too small'.

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