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Theresa May wows Glastonbury with her face-painting

While Jeremy Corbyn pandered to youngsters with his vision of hope and love, the Prime Minister nailed the John Peel Stage with her avant-garde madrigal and balloon animals. 'Living it large, strong and stable', Theresa May proved she was down with the kids by offering a free Tote-Bag with every tenement building covered in flammable cladding.

Waving everyone onto her bouncy castle of electoral uncertainty, Mrs May excited the Glastonbury crowd with her promise of all the jelly you can eat. She culminated her set by chasing Radiohead with pack of hounds and turning the Pyramid Stage into a Grammar School.

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