A huge Liberal Democrat swing in the Chesham and Amersham by election leaves Sir Ed Davey poised to usher in a thousand year Liberal Democrat Reich.
A party spokesman said ‘We’ll make that bitch Boris cry for his nanny, then approve a third Heathrow runway just to bury Starmer under. Brothers and sisters… Lib Dem 4 life!’
Rumours have swirled that the improvement stems from a ritualised execution of Nick Clegg, as ashes in the shape of a pentagram were seen being hurriedly swept away.
‘His fiery death was required by the great god Osiris to purge the tuition fees debacle.’
All current Liberal Democrat MPs could still fit in one minibus.
Centrist voter Naveed Nasir said ‘In 2010, I voted Lib Dem. I suppose it’s the hope that kills you, unless it’s the flames, or that minibus.’