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Tickets already sold to see the missing Titanic sub

For a mere £1m wealthy explorers can gawp at the watery remains of other wealthy explorers, as their own vessel slowly takes on water. This ride entitles you to the ultimate in voyeurism, followed by your own inevitable death.

The firm offering the service, ‘One Way Tickets’, explained: ‘Initially, you’ll be the watcher but post-death you’re the watched. We anticipate vast queues of subs all viewing the corpses of those in front of them, without any inkling of the vultures lined up behind. The experience is pitched as those with more money than sense and no concept of historical irony.’

Due to overcrowding in Titanic’s graveyard plans are in place to set up an underwater crematorium – they just need to find a way to stop the fire from getting soggy. Said one excited adventurer: ‘I’m told it’s the trip of a lifetime. Literally.’

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