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Tim Peake is worst Star Wars’ character since Jar Jar Binks


Ardent Star Wars fans have declared themselves disappointed with the latest edition to the George Lucas franchise; with none predicting that it would be a bland film about a UK astronaut. Those who had been expecting an exciting narrative of about Jedi and TIE fighters will be treated to a six-month yawn-fest as Mr. Peake floats aimlessly around; doing something geeky with soil samples, saying ‘exsqueeze me’ every time he bumps into cosmonaut and attempting to wee into a bag.


One friend expressed concerns that he is ill-prepared for the mission: ‘Tim keeps blathering on about going to the moon. I tell him, that’s no moon it’s a space station. It’s too big to be a space station, says he. Without his glasses, he’s got no sense of perspective. I tell you, I have a very bad feeling about this.’

One fan complained: ‘It’s almost as if George Lucas has given up – if I wanted a story about an uptight Brit clowning around in a fart filled suit, I’d have read a biography on Boris Johnson.’






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