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  • Writer's pictureSully

Tory MPs sorted into ‘rape suspects’, ‘quitters’ and ‘candidates’

In a move designed to help voters know who not to vote for, all Conservative MPs are to be categorised according to whether they have been charged with a sexual offence, have thrown in the towel or wish to be considered for re-election. Some will be in two categories i.e. arrested for rape but decided to stand anyway.

‘An MP is innocent until proven guilty’, a spokesman reminded us. ‘Just because a person has been arrested on suspicion of (checks notes) rape and drug offences, doesn’t mean they’ve done anything wrong’.

The Party will produce a slimmed-down list of ‘sitting MPs who have not yet been found out or given up’ so that voters know who to ignore when the General Election finally comes.

Plans to include a category of ‘corruption and/or selling access to Parliament’ was rejected on the basis that it might be considered ‘entrepreneurial’ and therefore good for the economy.

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