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Trump’s butler insists that he didn’t do it – but not for want of trying

The FBI have investigated his assassination threats, but he admitted that President Obama would only be killed by Mrs. White-supremacist, in the Library of Congress with a rolled-up copy of Obamacare, wrapped around a Lead Pipe. Other Presidents have also had their tenure threatened; Mr. Reagan by John Hinckley with the revolver, Mr. Clinton by Miss Scarlet in the Oval Office and George Bush Jr. just for ‘being a spanner’.

Friends say the mystery-writing cliché is the result of stress: ‘Having to feed and groom Mr. Trump’s hair, changes a man’.

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